I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point in life, I started existing and not living. The disappointment of life not measuring up took a toll on me and instead of searching for the positives and finding the good in my life, I tucked my tail and just went along with it.
I believe the turning point was the year 2020. After my grandma died, I started to question my life and the choices I had made. I decided to revisit my original dream for after college of becoming a marketing specialist at a record label and pursuing songwriting on the side. I started contemplating whether I wanted to live in Los Angeles or New York since most record labels had offices in these areas.
Then, the year 2021 came. I started getting closer to God and moved back to Montgomery with the hopes to start stacking money for the big move. Then, in 2022, I was filled with the Holy Spirit and everything I originally thought I wanted disappeared and new desires arose. The blog was born, the idea of writing Christian romance was birthed and my desire to create my own planner was ignited.
As I entered 2023 with new vision and new passions, I was ready to take on my 30’s with vigor. Then, God told me to move and shortly afterward, I returned to school for my second master’s degree. Money and time became limited resources, so I did what I do best, tucked my tail and just went along with life.
My best friend urged me to start going out and to embrace life, but I refused. I didn’t have the time nor the money. After more people started getting on to me about it, I started visiting a local coffee shop to work on personal endeavors.
And you know what?! I started to love it! I made a plan that 2026 was going to be different: I would start living and not just existing. I was scheduled to graduate in May, so afterwards, I would prioritize taking better care of myself, serving the Lord and working on my calling.
After a few twists and turns this year brought, I finally felt able to focus on these goals. However, in the working, I realized there was a part of me questioning: Does God want the best for me?
I realized that although I’m working on what God has told me to do, a part of me was expecting for it not to live up to the hype because my past never did.
So, I asked God to show me the beauty in my life. I asked Him to show me the story that was there. I asked Him to help me to be grateful for what had happened. Then, God started showing me how my life was good and my story was beautiful. Around the same time, I started studying ways to love the Lord better and one of the scriptures I read was Psalms 116:1-2 (NLT): “I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!”
The way this scripture encouraged me! It reminded me that I DO matter to God. That my life isn’t purposeless, lackluster or second-best. In fact, it is BEAUTIFUL, it is PURPOSEFUL, it is BLESSED. Matthew 7:11 (NLT) says: “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.” God wants and HAS given me the best and He’s sooo good that He has given me what is best for ME.
My encouragement for anyone who is wondering if God really does want the best for you, He DOES. He loves us! My Life Application Bible had a note that says, “Even though He has millions of children, He can focus on you totally.” You matter just as much to Him as His other kids do.
Ask the Lord to help you to be grateful for your life. Ask Him to show you the beauty in your life. Ask Him to open your eyes so you can see yourself the way He sees you.
